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So long LJ I'm done with it for the most part I do believe
if you want to stay in touch you have my im
Paint it Art kid |
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I am finally done Highschool in all its horrid shittiness.
Looking back I don't feel kinship with anyone in my class.
And it wasn't the best four years of my life.
It was a shitty trivial place and in my memory that is what it will stay.
I just want to thank all my teachers for being rad.
Expecially Cirelli and all the art teachers.
Don't act like my friend because we graduated the same year, you don't know me or ever tried while we were there.
I'm not having a party for it. So don't ask.
My mood has digressed into a big slump. I feel like I don't know or desire to hang out with anyone besides a select handful of people. You know who you are.
Last night I went for a night walk with Moni at like 1 in the morning. Everything is so quite and clear, I feel my happiest then I think. When it comes to being alone. I really enjoyed walking over to her house, its like half a mile but the moon was full.
I liked how everything was the same hue. I am glad I got to see Moni too my family has been shity to me and she is a great person to be around. We just laid and looked at the stars and it was so nice. I am going to do it everynight, well aslong as its not rainy.
We went to manchester today to film a video. It was fun, I showed her around NHIA. I am going to live in my studio space there. Everyone is so awesome.
Dave and I are going to try to go to Europe next year its going to be great. I really think he is my favorite person in merimack besides Moni. If I was just stranded on an island with them I would be the happiest guy.
Go Mordecai show was tonight and I really enjoyed it, I really like seeing them and there crazy antics it reminded me of last year alot. It was good to see everyone again.
like 4 people in my family are dying yes.
When happiness comes around sorrow likes to make a fight.
maybe ill let it win for a bit. even though I have everyone I need in my hands I still feel really alone.
well enough being cliche I am going for another night walk.How I feel inside:  apathetic What I am listening too.: Death Cab for Cutie - Bend to Squares |
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Tonight was great. I got home and I went to the Pho with Karen and had delicous food. then I went to NHIA for my first night class.
IT WAS AMAZING! I love it so much. I did alot of sketches. We are doing still lifes and the pears that we have to paint are just wonderful. THey have wonderful shape and color. My professur is amazinng and I will live there all summer.
My mom got in a car accident and has to use my car
My Grandmother is on her death bed.
Moni leaves for brazil wens.
Karen moves to Maine Sunday.How I feel inside:  artistic What I am listening too.: Bright Eyes- a few minutes on friday |
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May. 31st, 2004 @ 10:54 pm
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Yea so I decided I am not going to try to make plans with any one any more.
The people I consider my friends or want to consider my friends always seem too busy for me... or they forget that I exsist or am not important enough which sucks more. Its happened with all of them.
It sucks to keep making plans to have them never work out.
this isn't directed towards anyone really
I am just venting my frustrations.How I feel inside:  sad What I am listening too.: Watching Lord of the Rings. |
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Life has been going pretty well for me as of late.
I am so glad Moni is home. It makes me alot more laid back to have my best friend back.
We've been very filmmakery. I just wrote acouple scripts and we've been making them fun little movies. I'm editing thing once I get back to school.
Which is ending soon forever I am glad. Speaking of school, Hood gave me a letter today awarding me 14000 more dollars.
This making for 24000 a year for free. Then Grandfather said he would pay half of that which is 2000 and my dad said 1000 a month
which makes a surplus.
Hood is 28000 a year.
28000
-24000
= 4000
- 2000
- 12000
= 10000 extra money.
Awesome.
I wrote another script to film writing scripts are really fun.
Things I am buying soon
New JVC mini DV ( its small hand size and has amazing picture quality)
Minolta SLR
Apple 12" Powerbook
Polariod SX70
Yes
I clean my room and got rid of more furniture, now I just have the tv on the floor.
once I get my lap top I am getting rid of my desk
then I will only have a bed a book shelf a tv and a book case
less is better.
Life is going well.How I feel inside: artistic What I am listening too.: Incubus - Warning |
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I only ever have to get up for highschool 3 more times.
I saw Jeff today and he is awesome.
Arts and pops was fun
Star gazing was super fun.
Hanging out with Emma tonight yay!! I havent seen her in soooo long.
May. 28th, 2004 @ 03:45 pm
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| » You make me feel like I'm walking on new feet. |
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Friday was my last field trip ever. It was nice Wegman is one of my favorite people.
Roller Coasters are fun.
My mom is a bitch, and my parents are splitting up realitively soon I think.
Im getting my Apple soon yay for powerbooks.
getting my SX-70 soon
Northstar kick ass.
4th is the last day in highschool ever, hopefully I can sign out the 3rd.
Friday night didnt work out, but the night was still awesome<3 muhahaha
Photography is more fun than painting... for now.
Ordered my new SLR Minolta
Got new HD film which should be fun.
Finished another painting, started another, im a machine.
Super glad moni is home.
May. 23rd, 2004 @ 02:49 pm
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Heres the best conversation ever with my dad
the first half is about getting a polariod SX-70 camera
Paint it Art kid: yea
Paint it Art kid: haha awesome I have been insipired to do a little series with the camera
Paint it Art kid: so I wanted to get one
RAMARCSERV: keep it clean
Paint it Art kid: hahahaha
Paint it Art kid: hey!!
RAMARCSERV: that's why we used polaroids when I was a kid
Paint it Art kid: hahaha what to shoot naked girls?
RAMARCSERV: :-D
Paint it Art kid: hahaha I didnt have that in mind
Paint it Art kid: but now that you think of it
RAMARCSERV: but not me O:-)
Paint it Art kid: hahahaha:-)
Paint it Art kid: I will do the opposite of what you would have done haha.
RAMARCSERV: remember that whole apple and tree thing
RAMARCSERV: please tell me that there won't be naked guys
RAMARCSERV: or your name is off the will
Paint it Art kid: No
Paint it Art kid: hahaha
Paint it Art kid: I wasnt thinking of that either
Paint it Art kid: but now that you mention it.
RAMARCSERV: >:o
Paint it Art kid: hahahahahha
RAMARCSERV: and Ross is leacing on the 23 of june
RAMARCSERV: leaving
Paint it Art kid: Well that is still far away
Paint it Art kid: thats when I start work
Paint it Art kid: I have a month of nothing!!
Paint it Art kid: haha
RAMARCSERV: so that will make you the lone son who I will get to bug
Paint it Art kid: yea
Paint it Art kid: haha
Paint it Art kid: and now I can focus all my bugging on you
RAMARCSERV: you could
RAMARCSERV: but do you really think you should
RAMARCSERV: $$$$$$$$$$$$$
Paint it Art kid: hahaha
RAMARCSERV: 00000000000000000000000
Paint it Art kid: hahahahha
Paint it Art kid: ok
Paint it Art kid: <3 ::grovel::
RAMARCSERV: that is a better idea
Paint it Art kid: oh!!
Paint it Art kid: Saturday is Karens College Graduation party
Paint it Art kid: can I go
Paint it Art kid: its up in Sanbornton but I got directions
Paint it Art kid: its like driving to keene
RAMARCSERV: I'll have to think on that one
RAMARCSERV: what kind of college party are we talking about
Paint it Art kid: Its mostly family
Paint it Art kid: and like 4 friends
RAMARCSERV: no naked chicks or wild drugs
Paint it Art kid: so its not a wooo drunk sex party
Paint it Art kid: no
Paint it Art kid: maybe naked men hahaha.... just kidding:-)
RAMARCSERV: sounds like a boring time......but if you
RAMARCSERV: OK NO
Paint it Art kid: hahahahaha
May. 19th, 2004 @ 03:51 pm
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Tonight was nice. Well first I got out of school at 1 and went food shopping mmmm.
I made Mercedes a mix of all the awesome bands I like. She has the biggest most awesome house in the world. I ended up playing her lots of guitar but all half of them cause I had ADD. It was raining so crazy and we rain in it for a bit which was awesome.
Moni is home today!! hopefully I can visit her soon.
Drive in with Mercedes Friday woooo!!! Troy and Starsky and Hutch again... it will rock.
I am soooo tired...
I did so much painting like 3 pieces in a week
May. 18th, 2004 @ 09:43 pm
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| » I'll catch you this time. |
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This weekend has gone great eventfully and socially. Three field trips in one week is so amazing. Tuesday was the JFK memorial museum and that was really fun. It made me want to be in the 60's. We watched Remember the Titans and I thought it was going to be lame, but I really ended up enjoying it alot, and it worked well as a segway to the JFK. Quincy market was nice. I got delicous falafel. I sat and looked at all the people passing me by and felt quite French, I noticed alot of subelties in my surroundings, very small things, this made me happy, just sitting watching. I wish I had a camera though, or paper, paint, any medium, even a pencil and paper to write with. I wanted to express that humble feeling.
Thursday was poetry day. That was fun... I felt like a poet. The poet that read was an escapist and seem to not like to deal with reality which really bugged me. Like I am a romantic but still know that I have to deal with the world. Thursday night was nice I went to see Guys and Dolls and it was really good. Everyone did a great job. I got to see Caroyln and that was really nice.
Friday was the best day of the week. This was the trip to the Museum of Fine arts. The museum itself was so fun, I wish we had more time to go around and explore. I met alot of awesome people, Merecedes for one who its super rad. I think she is up there on my most favorite people ever lists hahaha. We went to quincy market again. I had yummy delicous falfel again mmm, and not to go unprepared I brought a camera and art supplies, I took alot of pictures. I got to see an awesome street performer. the trip home was nice I fell asleep on Caitlyns lap ( I hope thats the right spelling) it lent well to falling asleep I curled my self in a small ball and that was the end of it and I was gone.
Skipping saturday due to already talking about it Sunday I did nothing but lost my glassed.
Tonight was nice, I started a new painting of a sunrise. I called Monica and was glad to talk to her again. We actually got to talk on the phone for like 4 hours and it was just nice to catch up and not have her be stressed about school or anything it made my night. She is going to brazil soon which is really exciting, I am just gonna miss her, but brazil is so exciting. Next summer I want to go to Paris.
Well time to sleep though I still have a paper to write dammit.
May. 16th, 2004 @ 10:39 pm
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Drive-in with Carolyn and Nina! Just like old times but a little bit different. <3
May. 15th, 2004 @ 02:39 am
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I decided I am going to stay a romanticand forget all this realism crap. I want to believe in love and truth and dreams. If I give up and except the norm then I might loose so many chances. I am going to write more, to paint more, to make music more, to read more, to interact with people more, to live more. Yes! No more realism crap. The world is a good place, I just have to look at it from a different perspective. I veiw from a gutter is going to be just that a view from a gutter, the same thing can be totally different if viewed from a different position. There is love out there, and passion beyond the death the hate the malice... there is good.
Laugh at me cause you think I am crazy, but maybe its me who's got it right.
Thank goodness for The Dead Poet Society <3
May. 12th, 2004 @ 11:33 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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I am going to work my fingers to death
trying to get myself out of here.
May. 10th, 2004 @ 07:37 pm
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| » King upon a broken throne. |
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This weekend on a whole was pretty shitty. Saturday I found out my Grandmother is dying. Then I spent the day moving logs again for about 4 hours, then I set up the back 'oasis thing'. Then I set up the fucking pool which is a bitch to open. Stressed and dishearted I atleast ended the day on a good note and shared a drink with Dad.
Sunday I had to go up to the Hospital in Laconia and saw my grandmother in the elderly unit care station. Walking through that place was sickening. It was all these old elderly people asleep attached to all these machines running through there bodies, I wanted to vomit it was so saddening, I would never let that happen to me, I rather die in my house.
My grandmother seemed to be doing well, it was so sad though, her mind works fine but her body doesn't move besides her head and arms and I am so devistated, she is the most wonderful women in the world. More of a mother than me real mother.
Yea mother's day, my mom was bitchy and argumentitive all day... atleast I won't have to deal with her in college.
I just need to hang out with friends, if your free give me a call... I need an escape.
May. 9th, 2004 @ 11:16 pm
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| » 20 seconds of thought |
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I had to write an essay for my Hood composition placement test, and I wrote about what my personal memoir paper would say on page 238.
this is the rough draft and I dont feel like fixing the smaller errors that you might see cause I already did that on the final one for the test...
I discovered life is meaningless today, but I am not sad about it. I woke up and looked at my clock, I listened to the alarm buzz loud in my ear, and annoyed I clicked it off. I picked up the remote and pressed to see the comfortable familiar glow of a TV screen. I guess American society brainwashed me well. The tube told me the first words of the day, “ A six year old child was murdered today.” If there were bad ways to start of a day, hearing that would be at the top of the list.
The average person would most likely listen to this, sigh with disappointment, and flick the channel to something more pleasing, maybe a cartoon, or the Food Channel. Not me though, I clicked the TV off and unplugged it. ‘ I’m done with that’ I thought, no more news for me. With the thought of the sadness in the back of my mind I brushed my teeth, just like every morning; routine, which is what life is really, wake up, eat, do something constructive, eat, then sleep. It seems fairly trivial. Well no matter, I got to go to work.
I passed a guy walking his dog on the way. I began to think about the dog, he stays within the same 3 miles his whole life; he sleeps probably in the same room and eats at the same time. When his owner goes to work he sits and stares out the window waiting for him to come home. I shook my head, ‘ I should stop bumming myself out.’ But then I continued to think. It is like getting a song stuck in your head, you try so hard to think of something different but you can’t. Then I thought what about if he was wild?
What if he was wild? His existence would be no different. The dog would not achieve any greater meaning in his life. He would wake up, look for food, eat, sleep, look for food, sleep and maybe find a mate; this would make up his life. What’s the point of it, the dog goes nowhere in life, he doesn’t achieve anything, maybe he mates and the species further progresses, what’s the difference they will lead the same life.
‘ I am just like the dog’ I said to myself. I wake up, eat, do my art, eat, and then sleep again. I achieve no more then the dog, there is nothing I am working for; I am living to die, just like the dog, and just like the child. I bet that dog is happy though, and I bet that child was happy, hey, I am happy.
There may be no meaning to life, and there may be no God. When that child died, it didn’t prove anything but a child could die. It wasn’t God’s will, or part of the grand meaning of things; a person was mad and shot someone. Thinking this made me feel a bit better. I didn’t have to worry about the death of the child anymore; she lived her life; it ended. Then I looked in my rear view mirror at the man walking his dog. That dog is happy, his tongue is out and his tail is wagging. He is going to go home and sleep under his owner’s feet content. He will do the same thing tomorrow and the day after that till it dies. But till that point he will be happy. I am going to go to work then come home and kiss my wife on her forehead and tell her I love her, and then I am going to go to sleep. It doesn’t mean anything but it makes me happy.
May. 7th, 2004 @ 06:48 pm
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| » Walking cirlces around a straight line |
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I wrote a song today (yes with guitar)
I want to have a show soon
Walking Circles around a straight line
This is the last time
I should hold myself so close to you
I wish I could still
I mean I still feel so close to you
Its just your on a straight line
And im running circles around you
You’ve made up your mind
Even though I still believe in you
Could you believe in me again
And that love is real and true
I know you want to be real
And I know that this feelings real in you
It’s real in me too
I just don’t want to hide it
I want you to know the feelings true
That I still am in love with you
And if I knew that was the last time
I could kiss your face
It would have been a lil longer
It would have been a lil harder
And if I knew that was the last time
I could share the bed with you
It would slept a lil closer
held you a lil tighter
just a lil longer
just a lil longer
just a lil longer
just a lil longer
May. 6th, 2004 @ 09:20 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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Feeling a bit better I guess.
NHIA was fun
enrolled in oil painting class at NHIA over summer.
Wrote some songs
art
one hour photo was good.
had an interesting night I suppose.
May. 6th, 2004 @ 05:06 pm
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| » I suffered a swift defeat |
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Moni and I aren't dating anymore... or whatever we were... we just friends now.
I don't think I have ever cried so hard in my entire life. I can't even sleep and it sucks so much.
But i guess it is for the best cause it would be hard with the directions we are both going in.
I hate fucking believing in love. Now I know why I used to stay away from it.
I dont understand why crappy things of large magnitudes like to happen to me... and all at the same time too
it sounds really trivial but not dating her is so hard... what it was ment everything to me it inspired almost everything I do. like I dunno I think I fell in love with her too hard when I should have thought more yet I didnt want to ever regret it... and though this sucks so much I dont regret anything at all and I never will ever.
just I dont know how to deal with it right now... I feel really really really lost I know I will get over it but like my chest feels so heavy and like I dont care about anything right now
not art not music not college not school not my friends not anything.
I know she is still is and going to be my best friend but it has been so long like how its been and I love it and her so so much. I just wanted things to work out... just this one time over anything in the world rather than a good music carreer or a good art carreer...shes like the most important thing to me... more than art and music and yea.... this is coming out wrong this isnt how I want this to be put across
I dont want her out to sound like a bad person and I dont want to sound like a stupid high school kid... I cant explain it right it is difficult but like it was the truest thing to me... man this has to sound scary... moni if you read this sorry.
she is just real and true and thats why shes awesome
I guess I am just too much of a fucking hopeless romantic
I just need someone to help me out right now... cause on top of that my mom is still sick and doing worse and dads getting fed up with her antics so mom my be leaving the house in acouple months.. then My sisters knee is worse then the doctor though so she is going to be operated on and out of commision for awhile so I have to take care of both of them plus my dad is gone for acouple weeks on business...
Its getting to be too much to handle and I dont know where to escape right now.
Man it sounds like the world ended and I sound pathetic...why does this bother me so much... I hate how passionate I am.
May. 4th, 2004 @ 02:00 am
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| » You can land that plane on my heart I don't care. |
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Baltimore tommorow Wwwwoooooooooo!!!
I'm visiting hood, then moni's
yay
<3
Apr. 29th, 2004 @ 05:14 pm
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Its fun when you make plans twice and when you make sure you keep space open and cancel other plans to hang out, they cancel on you twice.
really cool.
Apr. 28th, 2004 @ 06:49 pm
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